When I Think About You I Touch Myself

Jeff Woods  0:00  
That goes down, that goes down. Talk No. Jeffrey, that's better for you, for the shot. That's that. Well, here

Speaker 2  0:08  
we are talking about, you're perfect. Okay, that's good. That's good. Wedgie said, No man ever I'm not only a customer of lube, I own the company. Chucky Farley,

Speaker 1  0:21  
that's better. Yeah, they're good, pretty great. I think it's good, for sure, that looks good. Here we go. Love Unbound, the podcast, sex and intimacy with Jeff woods and Ingrid Brahms. Welcome to another episode of love Unbound, the pleasure positive podcast about sex and sexuality and sensuality, dating and intimacy and new relationship, energy and long term desire and erotica and so much more. And you know, it's 2s L, G, B, T, Q, friendly, inclusive. Because why wouldn't it be? It is 2025, after all, correct. Introducing my co host. This is Ingrid Brahms.

Speaker 2  1:03  
Hello, Brahms. Yes, it's actually bramze, but it's Brahms from

Speaker 1  1:08  
give me a little of your homeland. Das

Speaker 2  1:12  
is einer schon is tach heute. What meaning? It's a good day today to be alive. Can you do it one more time? Das is eines tach heute,

Speaker 1  1:24  
indeed it is. I wrote a book. I wrote a couple of books, but the one most germane to this podcast is called Bing by and it's super inclusive. It's a book as much as anything about human rights, and it's completely filthy, and filthy in the best context of the word, we are, pleasure, positive. Last time we talked about giving and getting, we did absolutely I feel like, after it was over, it was like an introduction. It was a tease. It was It wasn't that in depth,

Speaker 2  1:51  
but it was fun. Yeah, it was really fun. I mean, all these conversations should be fun. If you're

Speaker 1  1:56  
not having fun, what are you doing? Also thought when we were finished the last episode was that one of the best ways to understand what your partner likes is to watch how they pleasure themselves. Masturbation station across the nation.

Speaker 2  2:14  
That's right, yeah, it's the first thing. I believe everybody does. They play with themselves, whether they know that it's considered masturbation, or, you know, just getting to know yourself and touching yourself. And you kind of go from there because you think, Oh, I'm having some sort of a feeling. What does this mean for a boy? What does this mean for a girl? Puberty, all of those hormones are changing, and now you're somewhat curious as to what's going on with your body. So yeah,

Speaker 1  2:41  
I remember my parents talking about other parents finger wagging their children don't, don't, yeah, and my mom and dad thought that was bizarre and limiting and not healthy,

Speaker 2  2:55  
and it shouldn't be a shunned thing. But make sure you're doing it in a in a private area, because you're not going to do it out in public, because we know those parameters, masturbation should never be considered a bad taboo, awful thing, because I think that is a big lead to problems later, putting

Speaker 1  3:13  
taboos on everything subsequently, and going into your adult life thinking that this is wrong and having shame around it, I Guess change the big thing attached to it. When you're told that's bad. What are some of the things that we were well, you'll go blind.

Speaker 2  3:27  
Was one, right? Yeah, it'll fall off. You, yeah, going blind. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1  3:33  
Your palms will get hairy. Those are the big ones, right? You'll go blind. Your palms will get hairy and it might fall off. Of course, there's a lot of songs about touching one's self. I

Speaker 1  4:17  
to you touched on something that I've heard you talk about before, when you were teaching how you dealt with kids. How old were the kids? The

Speaker 2  4:24  
first place that I ever had to address masturbation was as a camp counselor, so grades six and seven

Speaker 1  4:33  
tell me the scenario in which you had to deal with it well.

Speaker 2  4:36  
So a lot of these kids were had special needs, so nonverbal, autistic Down syndrome, fetal alcohol syndrome, things like that. And so they were campers for two three weeks, and they're all going through puberty, and sometimes they start puberty early, so some of the boys would be playing with themselves. Yes, and we would ask them to either use the bathroom to do so, or, you know, on their private time, and not, you know, amongst the other campers. So it was just about teaching them safe practice, right? But there's a lot of what you were saying, you know, finger wagging that, oh, no, this can't be done here. And that carried over in a couple of these classrooms that I worked in, and instead of not allowing them to, you know, explore themselves at that time of need, you sometimes would see aggressions come up because they weren't able to release and they don't understand as much because, you know, just not understanding their body as much because of language barriers, and not being able to sort of really understand or comprehend what their body is going through and what people are saying to them to be always told to No, no, no. Well, what is the alternative for them to be able to release that?

Speaker 1  5:58  
My mother likes to tell this story, still how a woman brought her daughter and me, we were three, three and a half, maybe four, preschool, to the front door of my parents house, which was across the street from their house, and said, There's something wrong with your son. She goes, Oh, yeah, tell me what's wrong with my son, my mom was putting up with no bullshit, right? He asked her to pull her pants down. She goes, that's very that's very predictable for small children who are curious and are exploring, and so you think it's a sexual thing. It's not they don't understand sexual they do understand curiosity, and there's nothing wrong with him and there's nothing wrong with her, there might be something wrong with you. Since she sent her on her way, and I didn't get chastised, she probably said, you know, I understand your curiosity, maybe, given the reaction, and maybe don't ask people to take their clothes off, yeah, but, but, but, I understand your curiosity, and you're not in trouble, right? So there was that, right?

Speaker 2  7:10  
And that's the all the communication piece. So sometimes the the ACT happens when you're younger, like that, before the conversation. You know that is all curiosity, right?

Speaker 1  7:22  
It's not good to do it at the office party. We'll get to some more benefits of masturbation. I don't know why it feels like a song every time I say that word.

Speaker 2  7:31  
Yeah, it is. It was a great word, too, right?

Speaker 1  7:34  
So the way we started out was, if you understand how your partner touches herself or himself, you can better understand how to make love to your partner, correct? There's a lot of people that maybe don't feel as skilled or as confident as they would like to feel with a partner, a new partner in particular, and some with even long term partners. If you never got used to asking for what you want, showing what you want, demonstrating what you want, being comfortable with what you want, being comfortable with what you want, you could go years in the same relationship, never quite getting to a place where you're really mutually satisfying one another. I think a big piece of it as well Ingrid, is that you're just supposed to know, hey, you're a guy, you've been around for a while, you just know what you're doing. There was sex education, which was usually textbook and some diagrams, right? But there wasn't a discussion about the how, no and the pleasure. It was more about the anatomy and the birth control. It

Speaker 2  8:40  
was almost more like they were, you know, scaring you, you know, away from it. Instead of, what about communication? 101, that you know, how do you tell your partner how to please you? Which then goes back to getting to know yourself, getting to through masturbation, or getting to know your body, look at yourself in the mirror, then you can tell, so then they can feel confident about your needs. Guys

Speaker 1  9:06  
have it so much easier, though it's less complex to get to the home base, as it were for a man, the organs a man's is a lot bigger than a woman's. If clitoral stimulation is the path to orgasm. And for many women, it's the path. For some it's also the g spot, or a combination of the G spot and the clique, for sure. But for man, it's far less complex and far less a mystery at the

Speaker 2  9:33  
node, and we have the any so there's a lot more in there to figure

Speaker 1  9:37  
out. A lot of women can't come from intercourse, and some can but, but the man needs to know what will work for his female partner, right? Yeah, slow

Unknown Speaker  9:47  
it down and slow down and

Speaker 1  9:49  
think about it, but really watch and get to understand how she does it. Now, we've talked about the barriers to getting and giving head. Some people just don't want to do it for whatever reason of Discom. Effort of past trauma, whatever the reason is. But in terms of masturbation, I remember years ago, in my 30s, a partner saying, Wow, you're really comfortable with your body, like you're not afraid to touch yourself right in my presence. And I said, Well, don't all guys do that. Don't all guys masturbate in your presence? No, I've never seen anyone do it was often what I got from people, or they would, they would wake up hearing their partner masturbating in the middle of the night, right? But it wasn't something they shared. I found that fascinating, and it leads me to wonder why a guy wouldn't want to share that. Maybe he thinks that he's a lesser man because he has to do that, or, or he should be with her having mutual pleasure.

Speaker 2  10:51  
It would it be a jealousy thing? Or, you know, I want him to wait for me to do that. I mean, I've heard it the other way around too, like the guy's like, No, you know, why does she have to touch herself or use toys when she has me? I mean, she might thinking about him while she's doing that. Again, it all has to do with the two people that are involved. I think essentially, you should find somebody that's on that same level completely understanding and comfortableness, so then you can completely enjoy each other and be fine with each other. I mean, that's some people think that's a needle in a haystack.

Speaker 1  11:25  
Now watching, like really watching and understanding it can be really incredibly sexy and sort of a lead into more or not. Sometimes there's this incredible pleasure and joy in seeing how someone takes care of themselves. I'm curious, have you ever denied yourself pleasure, some psychological barrier, some sort of self sacrifice you ever done that?

Speaker 2  11:54  
No, no good like lent or something like that? No. I mean, I would never. It's a pleasurable thing. It's nothing that's going to affect my health. To masturbate,

Speaker 1  12:04  
not in a negative way, but probably in a positive way. We've talked about how it can promote mental wellness, mental health,

Speaker 2  12:12  
absolutely, stress relief, anxiety relief.

Speaker 1  12:15  
They say it's even a way to combat, to flush out the system for a man combat the potential for prostate cancer. I can tell you that if that were the case, I would never have prostate

Speaker 2  12:27  
Well, I mean, there's a lot of people who don't smoke cigarettes ever, and they and they get lung cancer. So you know what? Life is random. That way there's probabilities. Yes, um, but yeah, no denying yourself something that's pleasurable. I don't know why you would.

Speaker 1  12:42  
I'll tell you why I did here. It is okay. And I talked to the very first episode of this podcast that started out as the blue hotel, or a special guest with Laura Desiree, who largely inspired this podcast, who gave me sort of encouragement to do it in the first place. And she said, you know, Jeff, I I'm not a yoga person as such, and I'm not a meditator. She said, I use masturbation as a meditation to release stress, to enjoy yourself, quality time with yourself, and it can be rather meditative. And I thought that was brilliant. My thought around it was for me, and I've kind of grown away from it and kind of grown up in my thinking about it. Because I would deny myself if I was in a difficult relationship where there was a lot of heartache between both partners and there was lack of communication or effective communication, I would, I would kind of like withdraw and retreat and not allow myself that pleasure on my own. It was almost like a self punishment or or just trying to escape the whole atmosphere of love, affection, relationship and pleasure. And I would go for days and

Speaker 2  13:57  
weeks. So now, are you doing it? Because how sometimes I think, is it like, consciously, like, when you're saying, not allowing, or do you think maybe, because, you know, the mood was so away from that relationship, and you just didn't think of you weren't in the mood to please yourself? Because I think maybe potentially, when I'm like, really excited about it, you know guy, but I don't get to see him, and it's the starting of the relationships, and, you know, thinking about them. And next thing you know, you're, you know you're pleasing yourself, because all thoughts coming up through that attraction, if you're battling with the person in your

Speaker 1  14:36  
life, no, it was more. I was so turned on when things were good by the relationship and the person in the relationship that when things weren't good. It kind of hurt to go down that road I grew out of that. Yeah. Well, you know what you evolved, which goes back to watching. I just

Speaker 2  14:56  
think it's a wonderful thing. You want to be excited to see your part. Partner.

Speaker 1  15:00  
Okay, here's one related to masturbation. Okay, some guys say that this is like the it's the bro code, it's the how you do it. It's the way forward you're going on a date, whether it's people who are on dating sites or or you met someone and you got the courage to ask them out and you're out on your first date. Maybe you haven't had sex for weeks. Maybe you've been dying to and you have it in your brain that you want to so called, get lucky, but it's going to start with a dinner or a coffee and and guys say they, you know, the expression, they rub one out before they go out, and then, and then, and then the tension is released. And then they're not obsessing about the sexuality or the thought of sexuality, they're just Yeah, relax. Have you had guys tell you that they did that? Or have you heard that conversation?

Speaker 2  15:47  
Oh, I've definitely heard that conversation. Without a doubt. I am sure people have done that. Get get it out of you, so then you can really calm down and

Speaker 1  15:56  
hear what she's saying. Good friend of mine and his wife has small breasts, okay, but she has great feet. And her joke is, my tits are up here because he's always looking at her very

Unknown Speaker  16:06  
well. There is

Speaker 1  16:07  
foot fetishes. If there was a body part, speaking from your heterosexual viewpoint, if there was a body part on a man that you most obsessed about, it is what hands tell me, what makes a man's hands, great. I

Speaker 2  16:21  
mean, the way their hand gestures, the way they use them while they're talk, even during dinner, watching a man use their utensils totally have a hand fetish, even even women, I mean, but man for sure, like who I'm dating, yeah, it's, it's a turn on the way they use them, the way they gesture with them, or touch them, or, you know, touch their own face. And because it, to me, is, it's an indicator of how they will touch

Speaker 1  16:49  
you. There it is. And I've heard many people say those hands aren't getting anywhere near me because they're not well kept, or they're dirty,

Speaker 2  17:00  
and sometimes, like the I don't know, and it doesn't always line up. I mean, again, I went on a date, and we were driving down to the city, and we were going to go for dinner, and we pulled over quickly. I said, Oh, what's going on, you know? And he said, Oh, I just have to go get some nail clippers. I said, Oh, okay. Why? And he said, There's no way I'm going to go to a restaurant with my nails like this. And that was impressive. Like, I was like, Whoo shack, you know, like it was, and I didn't even look at his nails. I was then started looking at mine, thinking, oh no,

Speaker 1  17:32  
let me ask you a couple of questions. This was a first date. No, third okay, if it was the first date, it'd be weird. Like, didn't you prepare better before you came to see me for the first time?

Speaker 2  17:43  
Right? And it always started, we were very, very casual, and just like going for a drive and, you know, had fun in the city, and next thing, you know, but then just thought, you know, we were going for dinner. I just Yeah, and I ate. That's cool. And I wouldn't have thought this of this person either. I mean, same person that got me the lip gloss. Did he work with his hands. He draws. He's an artist. He's an artist. I don't think he killed any lies so far this podcast. Maybe, what is that body count? I don't know. I'll just say it was lower. And you said two, and I keep No, no, that

Speaker 1  18:13  
was pre that was pre married. Yeah, that doesn't even count.

Speaker 2  18:16  
Well, I was just like, I still think pre marriage. Like, when did you get married? Six young married at 21 though, and you still only had

Speaker 1  18:24  
two. I was a virgin until I was 18. She was 17. I was like, you know, good, clean living kid, as it were, at that point, I still are ish, A for effort, A for effort. Yeah, you're young. No, but I had this wonderful girlfriend and and I was moving away to the east coast of Canada, and I wanted her to come with me because we were a couple. Of course, she said not, unless we get married. She was 19 and I was 21 so we got

Speaker 2  18:50  
married. You are a respectful, kind, caring, you know, very good person, good human being.

Speaker 1  18:59  
You would think so, but I wasn't then, you know me now, but I wasn't then I was I was all the things selfish, self centered. I didn't listen properly. I was polite with car doors and so on, but I wasn't in touch with what she needed emotionally.

Unknown Speaker  19:17  
One I guess

Unknown Speaker  19:20  
your kids are great, aren't they? What do you think? Yeah,

Speaker 2  19:23  
absolutely. So I have a 21 and a 24 year old. Absolutely. Is there? Of course, they're lovely. Of course. You know what? When people tell me how lovely they are, beautiful, check for me that you know me and the community have done a great job. They are great moral kids, but they could also be total little shits as well. I mean, you know what? There's lots to learn. At 54 I'm learning how to self regulate. And the main thing is, when you're out with other people, you know etiquette where it applies. You know who you can be. Have filthy conversations with with the right people, right? And, you know, and those are the. That's that you have all these different friends.

Speaker 1  20:02  
I've just reduced it to the friends you can have, those conversations with quality over quantity. If I can't have fun, be myself. Be open, be silly, be provocative, be a little risque. Then Then what am I doing hanging out with you? Although there are, there are conversations with friends that you're not that close to that you can have that's a coffee that's not a whole Friday night.

Speaker 2  20:23  
That's why my friends know, just like you said, you don't, I very much I don't know, really. I mean, what's the point? I don't want to embellish. I don't want to tell anything that I don't know, because sometimes it comes full circle and you're like, Oh, I said that.

Speaker 1  20:35  
When did you or have you found yourself here yet? When you're like, gosh, I'm kind of feeling comfortable in my skin. For the first time. Was there an age?

Speaker 2  20:46  
There was a time definitely in my, you know, 40s. There's all different ages, again, by the company you keep,

Speaker 1  20:53  
but take those people out. When did you go? Wow, I feel like I'm kind of getting it now,

Speaker 2  21:00  
late 40s and 50s. I mean, like, there's things that I completely now just don't wrestle with or care about. I'm okay with who I am, kind of what you were saying as well about, you know, those friends. Why wouldn't you want to be with friends other than those ones that make you feel completely being able to be yourself? Just after the first podcast here, a girlfriend of mine, you know, reached out and said, Man, you know that's what we love about you, is that you can be exactly who you are. You're a little bit more out there than, you know, a few of us, but we know that's who you are, and we love that about you. And so right there, it kind of, you know, solidifies that's awesome, because now I even feel better about that. I'm okay with myself.

Speaker 1  21:40  
I'm glad, right? Same, yeah, I was just a few years ago. Why? What? Okay, all right, yeah, I'm okay. I'm not leaving the house with anxiety about anything anymore. It was always about, am I going to be late? Who's going to be there? Am I prepared for the thing? And then you just prepare better for the thing that takes away that anxiety and what you just feel better in your skin, just from being around longer. And I always feel badly, and I see when people look visibly anxious, and I want to help them out, so I usually go over, how are you? Are you? Okay? Same right. Same man, woman, child, older person, whatever the reason is same.

Speaker 2  22:23  
Yeah, I see we do that all the time, Yeah, always. I mean, always out for the person who's standing alone. You know, I would never want that for my kids, my friends, for anybody. I wouldn't want anybody to put that upon anybody. I will always be there for the person that's, you know, standing on their own. Because, you know what? That's important.

Speaker 1  22:41  
Here's something you're gonna love. It's new to this podcast. If you go to this website, you're gonna find something cool. And you can participate in this podcast. Go to unbound dot channel slash voicemail. That's unbound dot channel slash voicemail, and that's the love unbound podcast web page. And at the top, it'll say, ask a question. And you'd click on that, and you come to a page with a little microphone icon, and if you press that, you have two minutes to ask us a question or leave a comment. It's basically, ask a question. If you have a question you'd like to ask us about anything to do with pleasure, sexuality, LGBTQ, anything we've talked about so far in the past 40 plus episodes, because this has evolved from the blue hotel to love unbound. And then if anything kind of stirs you to ask a question that website again, unbound, dot channel, slash voicemail, and we'll play them back. You can leave your name and where you're from if you so choose, or you can be anonymous about it. We'll just hear your voice and and we'll address your questions in an upcoming episode. I encourage you to give that a shot. Could we

Speaker 2  24:03  
ask if they would like to maybe, you know, if there's a topic of interest? Yeah, suggestions, right? A suggestion of something that maybe we should touch upon. I think

Speaker 1  24:14  
that's a great idea. Suggestions, questions, comments, all welcome, and we'll play them back. It'll be fun. I think we'll try our best. The other thing the erotic stories, there's lots of them. Some of the most listened to episodes of this podcast, country drive, was 1000s and 1000s of people showing up still to hear country drive. It's me writing erotica fiction, mostly, and and then narrating sort of 789, 10, up to 20 minute stories. Some of them are hetero country drive is, for example, go back and check it out if that's your bag. And some of them are threesomes, and some of them are orgies, and some of them. Are bisexual, and some of them are completely fun and crazy and but mostly focused on pleasure, his and hers and theirs as it should be. So the next episode we're going to release after this one is better than ice cream. It's a story of a chance meeting between two people. Then one ensues from there. It's kind of sexy.

Unknown Speaker  25:25  
Sounds it? I think you'll dig it. I touch myself more than I should be. I think of you,

Unknown Speaker  25:44  
is that a good thing? I close my eyes, and I'm right above you, facing your thighs you said,

Speaker 1  26:08  
Get love unbound every time it comes. Just follow, listen, rate, review and share. Love unbound is a being by the book presentation. You

Speaker 2  26:25  
another sound off media company podcast you.